thoughts from the middle of nowhere
i’m living in Tell City now, the land of the "Nothing-Exciting-Ever-Happens-To-Us" people. which could be considered a welcome change after the helter-skelter kill-me-now of the BG CMA, but the novelty does wear off. it’s hard enough to peel Grandma away from the TV so i can practice; i am at this point convinced that there are no people my age in this village. not that i’ve gone out looking for them. i’d have to say, i really don’t care.
i’m in the midst of trying to set myself up with a working "Finale" station in the basement. i have the keyboard, i have the MIDI cable, i even have the software; i just don’t have the XP platform to run it on. 98 is a very stable environment for that little laptop, but it has seen its last day. as soon as the new OS comes in the mail, it and i will say a fond farewell. and then i need to get the extra RAM. and a USB key. and then i’ll be done. until i think of something else i need.
(on a side note, i do 95% of my shopping via USPS these days. Grandma comments on a fairly regular basis, "i’ve never seen someone get so many packages….")
i think my psuedo-isolation here has negatively affected my social skills. while e-messaging a friend this afternoon, i stepped on a nerve with what i considered playful banter. okay, it was heavily sarcastic witticism, that he was not even close to a match for, which was probably part of the reason i enjoyed it. in a second e-mail, i snapped at another friend for something completely unnecessary due to my propensity for over-reading and over-defending myself.
i think, in the intervening years between the present and my pre-BG acquaintance, that time has passed a little differently for me than for most of my old friends and family. of course, i realize that i’ve basically dropped out of communication with the general populace for about three years, and that’s a long time; however, it seems to me not nearly as long, and that so many things should not have happened, because i haven’t been away long enough. i was busy trying to keep my head above water (at which task i was almost successful), and the weeks, months, then years flew by without any notice from me. and suddenly i’m 26 years old, on the downward slope of my third decade, in a living situation into which i couldn’t have dreamed myself in a thousand years. finally having time to re-establish and mend the neglected lines of communication that were my erstwhile life-essentials, i find that many are changed beyond recognition….
with as few real connections as i have left, it’s only slightly ironic that i seem to be alienating people right and left these days.
Samee, you always write so elequently
Next I know exactly how you feel with the changing relationships but heres the good news (well at least in my opinion) I have made a vow to myself not to loose track of any more of my closest friends (of which you are right at the top of the list) therefore, you will not loose touch with this friend unless you work very hard to get away from me 
Comment by Sarah Boss — August 19, 2006 @ 11:16 am
Cousin!!! Welcome!
A window is a thing to see through, an invisible wall between you and the world - but it’s also a moment, a breath and a pause, and many who
long for it haven’t the foggiest what to do when they get what they long for. I don’t know if you longed for a year-long window, but remember - the flipside of a coin is worth as much on tails as on heads. So, heads up and spend it for all you’re worth, however you see fit.
But, that’s not what this post is about, afterall.
All these years, where it takes you 6-9 months to return a call of mine - now’s when it catches up, and when we catch up, and it’ll seem like
).
no time at all, and I can have back the sister I always fancied having. But better, because older is better. Aristotle said as much this evening over dinner
Oh, and the SJ Gould book I mentioned was Structure of Evolutionary Theory, although there are many others worthwhile - The Panda’s Thumb,
). His “On Certainty” was highly
for essays, and The Hedgehog, The Fox and the Magister’s Pox for discussions of art + science (so I’m told; it’s on my list too). And Wittgenstein! I won’t pretend to have understood the Tractatus, but I am one who finds poetry in outline format
recommended, so it’s been bumped up my list and off my shelf. Ah, so much to read! The N. Ethics has proven highly worthwhile, and much more
straightforward than I’d expected. How do you say “thank you” to a man who is dead? I’m in love with Aristotle.
Soon. Always soon. Now you’re but a comment box and anti-spam-measure-number away ;o).
And, by the by, a certain … recurrent thought… is occupying less of the center stage of my mind. But then, I either have multiple center stages, or five in succession and a serious case of ADD, hehe. Many “conditions” are both under-rated and over-rated in my book, lol.
Write on. I love your writing.
Comment by Praxical — August 26, 2006 @ 9:35 pm